Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
