They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
