Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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