I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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