Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
