Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
