no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
