i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
