Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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