I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
