I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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