Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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