Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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