I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
