Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
