it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
