You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
