Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
