i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
