how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
