Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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