you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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