doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
