I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
send nudes
from the living room?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
