You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
