there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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