I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
