How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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