Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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