I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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