My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
