I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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