I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
