The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
