how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
