I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize