someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
