Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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