Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
