the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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