NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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