Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
