Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
