farters have to be the big spoon...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
