Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
