Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
