he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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