Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
