we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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