I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
