I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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