DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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