We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize