Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize