worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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