I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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