i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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