I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
