I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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