this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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