my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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