wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
