Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
